Dear ...

Dear anyone,

i just wanted to share some thoughts with you, i am in a place that isn't so nice right now.  My mind is not listening to my heart.  Why am i being so silly and trying to control every aspect of my future life.  I need to let go of a few things.

First is my thought that i should at some point in my life get married, i blame my Ma for this.  Since i was little it has been talked about, when you get married this and that.  I like the idea of marriage but the big white dress and reception centre is not my thing.  A park would be nice.

Second is my want to co-reside with my bf, i keep telling myself it would make life easier and that living with my bro is lame.  When i really think about it, its working out quite nicely.  I like my space, i like that we have to plan to see each other.  I let these things that other people project onto me fester away until i am at a point of despair about my life.

Is it really other people or is it what i think other people expect of me?  I have always been a pleaser, i make exceptions for peoples behaviors and actions even when it hurts me.

 Its so cleansing writing this, i have decided that i need to stop worrying about what will and what wont eventuate in this life of mine and just start living it with all that i have.   

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