dear me

i though i had it all figured out when i was a kid, life was going to easy...
school. uni. work. boyfriend. travel. house. kids. happy ever after
how could i be so wrong!

i started off alright, did school, uni for many years. I am currently completing my fourth tertiary qualification. 4....???? why do i need 4. I think i am a little lost. I had kinda lost track of how much studying i had done, yesterday i was filling out an online centerlink application for some $ and you had to put in all your education. I counted up the years and this is number 7. Goodness. I cant think of it as a waste, that would kill me. I like studying, it gives me a real sense of accomplishment but where has it got me? Not very far at present.

Work was ok. I did two years working for a complete bitch who gave me anxiety. i am really pissed with her because she turned me off the career that i had always wanted. she tainted my view of the research world. my new career if i ever get through this year will be more me, so i spose i should be pleased she drove me crazy and twisted. i have moved to a better place.

boyfriend x 2

i cant even explain the first one. its weird. feels like it didn't even happen. he was very quirky, arty and lost in the world but we had heaps of fun and i have good memories from the 4 years we were together. i broke it off because i fell out of love.

my current man is a dream. i never thought i could love someone as much as i love him. he is one special guy. he has the most perfect lips to kiss and beautiful warm hands to hold.
i could go on for a long time about why i love him but i think the most important thing is that he believes in me and he love me with all the good and bad.

i am still working on the travel thing its taking a lot longer than i anticipated. maybe it will be a later in life adventure for me... (i hope not).

lets not go into the house thing. i think i will rent forever, a house feels like a completely unattainable goal at the moment.

i love my dogs. they are my children for now. If i was following my life plan at age 18 i would now have a two year old. i could not cope with a kid right now i can barely look after myself. the new thought is for kids at 32 and i would like 3.

the thing i didn't consider when i was young is how important friends are. if i didn't have my friends i would be completely lost in this world. Some come and go but i have a handful of dear friends that have helped me through my darkest hours. KiKi, Karlbury, LC, goldie, kat and Mr k have been around the most lately. They make me smile and i feel so lucky to have wonderful relationships with these amazing people. i live a few hours drive from my mum so i lean on these guys a lot, they are like my melbourne family.

i am not sure what i mean by happy ever after... when i get old hopefully i will look back and feel like i did alright, feel like i lived a life worth while.

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