Shantaram is in my top 5 books.  I love the way Gregory David Roberts moves me when i read his beautiful words.  I often read this passage from the first page...  Some days it makes so much sense and others like today i am overwhelmed by what he means. 

"It took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while I was chained to a wall and being tortured. I realized, somehow, through the screaming in my mind, that even in that shackled, bloody helplessness, I was still free: free to hate the men who were torturing me, or to forgive them. It doesn't sound like much, I know. But in the flinch and bite of the chain, when its all you have got, that freedom is a universe of possibility. And the choice you make, between hating and forgiving,can become the story of your life."

I am free, free from shackles and prison but i feel an overwhelming sense of expectation (inflicted by myself, others and society) to be this and that.  Its draining and i often lay awake thinking about all the stuff i have to do, should do and the things that will never happen in this life.

People to see and emails to write, maintaining relationships takes up a huge amount of time and i am kinda over it.  Should it be this hard?  and draining?  I think its my mood today, all things seem difficult.  I am in a 'why me' state of mind. Needing a huge amount of TLC.  Pathetic i no but thankfully tomorrow is a new day, a fresh slate and fingers crossed it is a lovely one.  

Any ho enough about that, next Shantaram quote:

"Fate gives all of us three teachers, three friends, three enemies, and three great loves in our lives. But these twelve are always disguised, and we can never know which one is which until we’ve loved them, left them, or fought them."

I like the idea of this, it is very true how relationships between friends and lovers can change dramatically.  A nice thought to ponder, 12 important people that will impact my life.

I feel like i have meet and left a few already and a few people have stuck, these people i no will be my friends (or are they teachers?) for many years to come.  I can not image this handful of people doing wrong by me because i feel we have a mutual relationship and I no i would never do anything to taint what we have.  I love and adore these true friends, they are special and treasured.  i hold them close to my heart.  

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